♥ new camera
♥ LV Hampstead
♥ Chanel earrings
♥ lunch bag
♥ More heels!
♥ SHED POUNDS!
♥ earn more money
♥ SAVE more money
♥ hopefully to start my driving lessons =/
♥ apply for a flat, i didnt manage to get one months back
♥ Bali trip for me & b
♥ go on another trip w swt again
♥ get another bag for myself
♥ buy more heels!
♥ SAVE.
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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
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Tuesday, 19 January 2010
MY LIFE AFTER DEATH?
MY LIFE AFTER DEATH?
Indeed very unusual of me coming online and even blogging at this hour.
Normally what i would do at this time was either i was still at work or i would be lazing around in the living room, lying and nua-ing on my bed with a magazine/book in my hand or sleeping!
i've been seriously deprived of sleep lately which is causing my big fat eye bags and dark dark panda eyes to appear.
i tried getting to bed early but just wouldnt fall asleep right away..
My brain will start to wonder..
Wonder how grand i want my wedding to be (not that i want to marry myself away so eagerly, just thinking of the future)? Wonder how my husband will treat me, if that person was not `precious? Wonder how my child will look like? Wonder what will i be wearing when i grow old? Wonder how useful my kids will be when they grow up?
and at this point, i start to think of myself getting old and sick and eventually i had to be admitted to the hospital with lots of illness tugging me and end up, i'll be holding on to my last breath, saying goodbye to my beloved kids. and main thing is, where will i be after i leave this world?
Since young, whenever i thought of this question, it totally freaks me out. It has been the same even now. it has turned better now as in when young (i dont even know why i will be thinking of this that young) once i thought of it, i'll start crying, but now, it'll only make me fear, no more tears.
I'm wondering what really freaks me and somehow, i come to realise that it's the unknown and uncertainty that really scares me.
Think about it, who will know what happens when we pass away?
who will be coming to pick us the moment we're offically gone?
All these are all unknown and no one has an answer of what will be during after life.
when people can take death lightly and willingly, i cant. im afraid of the unknown and uncertainty.
i guess this applies to how im looking at things in life as well.
for `precious, he tends to take one step at a time, whereas im someone who likes to plan things properly and know what step im taking next.
This is also why we tend to quarrel most of the time as `precious isnt the planning sort of guy.
just want to say all these out.
when i tell people how frightened i feel towards death and after life, i was being mocked at. they cant understand how i feel and what i think.
why am i feeling like such a freak?!
Indeed very unusual of me coming online and even blogging at this hour.
Normally what i would do at this time was either i was still at work or i would be lazing around in the living room, lying and nua-ing on my bed with a magazine/book in my hand or sleeping!
i've been seriously deprived of sleep lately which is causing my big fat eye bags and dark dark panda eyes to appear.
i tried getting to bed early but just wouldnt fall asleep right away..
My brain will start to wonder..
Wonder how grand i want my wedding to be (not that i want to marry myself away so eagerly, just thinking of the future)? Wonder how my husband will treat me, if that person was not `precious? Wonder how my child will look like? Wonder what will i be wearing when i grow old? Wonder how useful my kids will be when they grow up?
and at this point, i start to think of myself getting old and sick and eventually i had to be admitted to the hospital with lots of illness tugging me and end up, i'll be holding on to my last breath, saying goodbye to my beloved kids. and main thing is, where will i be after i leave this world?
Since young, whenever i thought of this question, it totally freaks me out. It has been the same even now. it has turned better now as in when young (i dont even know why i will be thinking of this that young) once i thought of it, i'll start crying, but now, it'll only make me fear, no more tears.
I'm wondering what really freaks me and somehow, i come to realise that it's the unknown and uncertainty that really scares me.
Think about it, who will know what happens when we pass away?
who will be coming to pick us the moment we're offically gone?
All these are all unknown and no one has an answer of what will be during after life.
when people can take death lightly and willingly, i cant. im afraid of the unknown and uncertainty.
i guess this applies to how im looking at things in life as well.
for `precious, he tends to take one step at a time, whereas im someone who likes to plan things properly and know what step im taking next.
This is also why we tend to quarrel most of the time as `precious isnt the planning sort of guy.
just want to say all these out.
when i tell people how frightened i feel towards death and after life, i was being mocked at. they cant understand how i feel and what i think.
why am i feeling like such a freak?!